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About Varied / Hobbyist "Girom" Christian N. CalicaMale/Philippines Recent Activity
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Good news and bad news, everyone! The bad news is that more college projects just got into my way and took what little time I had left to watch Seitokai Yakiundomo or Seitokai no Ichizon, which means I can barely watch any animes at this point, and I blame hentai, and ROBLOX. And Jesus. Good news, however, is that I just rewatched my childhood show, namely Max and Ruby. I was surfing for hentai images of Keine getting it up the ass when I suddenly encountered images of men getting it up the ass, which is where I decided to search for things to wash my eyes in Google images with like munchkin kittens playing around, fax machine designs, or Childhood Ruined images, but I encountered something in the related images section saying "Childhood Ruined Max and Ruby" and I saw it as a sign from the heavens. I remember Max and Ruby in my childhood, back when my life was yet to be shaped by Swiss watchmaking companies or Touhou Project or back in the days when my house didn't burn down yet in 2009. So I looked up for an episode to review and chose Episode 9 in honor of the dumbest fairy in existence or Windows skipping to 10. Now without further ado, let's begin!

1. Max's Birthday


Here's one problem I have with cartoons - they make wind-up toys look more advanced than the show's setting itself. It looks like 1998 had 2030s clockwork inventions with infrared laser technology that runs on a mainspring, which boggles my fucking mind like that bird pistol. So anyways, the title is misleading - it's not about some party where Max blows some candles or tries to hit a pinata but instead ends up bashing her big sister up, it's just a lobster that was somehow already wounded before placed inside the box and still walked on its own for a long ass time even after it was left inside the box for a long ass time. Do these toys run on automatic quartz movements? Anyways, while Ruby is busy recycling the gift wrappers and turning them into thank you letters, Max plays with some automata chicks that can perform circus tricks as a hoop comes close to it while running on clockwork power and OH GOD I CAN ALREADY HEAR THE SCREAMS OF OBSESSED CLOCKPUNK FANS FROM HERE WHO WISH THIS WAS REAL. The mechanical lobster comes back to haunt Max and Ruby doesn't seem to give a shit as the toy ventures straight outta COMPTON the house, then back inside where Max runs away from the lobster while Ruby chases the lobster, then it changes to Max chasing the lobster behind Ruby and Max hitting a large box and the mechanical lobster giving Max a mechanical lobster penis up the ass a big hug before Ruby "rescues" Max and decides to place the aforesaid lobster back into the box where it once came from, only for Max to gain a sense of reverse psychology and decide to enjoy doing it with the lobster.

Wait, hold on, I hear cats getting fucked in the ass outside...

2. Max's New Suit


Ruby and Max are going to have visitors-

Wait there... WILL YOU PUSSIES SHUT THE FUCK UP?!

... Ahem.

Rose and Payne (please ignore the blood on my bolo) are going to have visitors today and now they have to get dressed up and look as rich as they could. While Ruby's efforts will end in vain since their parents are dead (I'm sure this might get debunked by Mythbusters soon no matter what) and their wealth can be compared to an Egyptian who runs an ice cream business in winter Norway, she is still determined to make herself look as rich as possible, by wearing a purple regalia (cheaply dyed) and using the best utensils she can find, which I can compare to utensils I find in junk shops, and brittle plates made of cheap ceramic, with plastic teacups you can find in children's tea sets on the side. Let's get on with this - Ruby forces Max to wear a suit where he responds with hostility and comes back to playing with his rocket toys. The number of times Max tries to get rid of the suit ended with him having to try to get rid of it again, like Sisyphus, except it ends when the gods finally had it and decided to keep the boulder on top so they could hang out with the Roman gods who were invited for Zeus's tea party. Except Sisyphus came in looking pants-on-head retarded and his sombrero covering his penis. So going back to Autodesk and Allen the previous sentence is almost the exact same thing that happened in the end, Ruby's friends who are poorer than her staring at Max's lack of gonads.

3. Goodnight Max


It's 12 in the night and May's little brother Max is having a hard time sleeping, probably because those loud cats outside are doing it on the road but actually it's because Max's big sister's gramophone records (wait, THEY STILL USE THOSE?) are still playing. Jack Ruby then says goodnight to her dolls Emily, Rapunzel, the Quacks, Shanghai, Freddy Fazbear, and a talking jenglot. Max Tennyson accidentally spills water on his shirt and had to wear another one instead of, you know, waiting for it to dry by itself. Then a medieval biscuit with ancient raspberry jam filling that had been stuck inside the pocket of his new pajamas for centuries stained his new shirt. Afterwards he stuck a piece of Mesoamerican bubblegum on his pants and had to wear yet another set of pajamas. How many fucking pajamas does this boy own? It's like they're being issued by the government! So anyways after that the Lunarians made a signal to Max requesting him to send a moon rabbit named Reisen Inaba to save them since the humans returned to invade the moon again, this time with robots from China, but Max misinterpreted the message as "I WANNA FUCKING KEEP YOU AWAKE, BOY" and asks his big sister to close the drapes. Afterwards, Ruby Gallagher gives her talking jenglot to Maxillaria so he could sleep at long last. Fortunately it worked, because any other kid would be scarred for life and have a hard time sleeping with an embalmed fetus that has been crafted into a humanoid doll. Now Robbie Rue gives Max a goodnight kiss, tells her dolls, and Max "goodnight" before telling herself to give a good night sleep while Max's jenglot screams "mati sudah!" repeatedly.

Overall Review


The charm I find about Max en Ruby is its animation style. It's the way it's animated that, despite looking rather like a crudely (yet professionally) made sprite animation uploaded for Newgrounds, gives the show its unique charm, although Monty Python looks funnier since it had tits. The backgrounds looking painted and the characters and their stuff looking cell-animated like Rozen Maiden: Zuruckspulen's shittier way of animating may make your brain shit itself through your nostrils because it gave you a cerebral enema, but to me it's kind of like Mr. Bean, and I remember how funny and uniquely animated Mr. Bean was, back when words like "pudding" makes me laugh because I couldn't understand them because I was fucking 8.

The voice acting's unlike most other cartoons I watched in my childhood. Other cartoons had shitty-ass voice acting which made me want to get a scorpion and a tarantula and play some Audiomachine in the background while I watch the two fight each other to the death. Max & Ruby's voice acting is a lot better since it felt kind of professional instead of the awkward fake exaggeration of voice. Ruby's voice sounds charming (probably because Katie Griffin voiced her) while Max's voice sounds rather natural. Speaking of the characters, Ruby talks a lot while Max only utters a few words, just like real life depictions of aristocratic girls and boys. Something unusual to see in animated shows these days except for maybe in Gravity Falls or Haiyore! Nyaruko-san. I don't know what keeps Ruby so fucking tolerant to Max's acts of misbehavior since I would usually throw him into a fucking volcano if he'd ever try to commit the same mistake thrice, but at least it's a hell of a lot less depressing than Pingu.

One thing that displeases my interest of this show is its lack of a good enough storyline. The story of each episode is usually the "self-righteous elder forces kid to do what elder believes is right except the kid proves otherwise in the end" cliche, and as time progresses it becomes as insubstantial as eating paper in place of bread. Sure, it's 495 times funnier than Pingu and Nu Pogodi combined but it's only almost as funny as My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, although I discovered MLP months after I was circumcised, at the time I already became a man. And at the time I became a man I became attached to MLP, then currently with anime, and then watchmaking, and then hentai featuring girls getting it deep in the ass. Sure there's rule 34 of this show already but hey, I'm still asking myself this question - WHERE THE FUCK DO THESE KIDS GET THEIR MONEY FROM? Obviously there's their grandmother but I doubt she still has a job. Maybe the CIA paid them to be watched by the government through hidden CCTV cameras, and that includes being in the middle of bath times or something, but not by perverted pedophiles because Ruby is fucking 7 for Christ's sake.

Overall Max and Ruby is a beautifully animated children's show, despite originally being a book written by someone named Parsley Somerset, who nearly had an Edgar Award for her book called "Through The Hidden Door". If Rosemary DID win that Edgar Award then Max and Ruby might have outlived the First French Republic by an extra 3 decades.
  • Mood: Christmas Spirited
  • Listening to: La Campanella
  • Reading: Why?:Don't we do it in the road?
  • Watching: Friends
  • Playing: Agar.io
  • Eating: I got Fusou! Yay! (or fuck, she malfunctions alot)
  • Drinking: Afternoon H2O
Crutches are too big by GiromCalica
Crutches are too big
So I broke my ankle this morning on the way to school, where I reached for the school clinic the moment I arrived so I could get something to support me as I walk, but as I got checked up the nurses decided to send me back home so I would miss out most other classes I was about to have and they have to gave me these crutches since my broken ankle's getting worse as the adrenaline that ran inside me started wearing out. I once was like "yay, crutches!" but later on I was like "... Okay, what the fuck can I do with these?"

And thus this image came out.
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I remembered making a tutorial about taking care of figmas, and since I am still watching Seitokai no Ichizon (wait, this isn't Seitokai Yakuindomo GODDAMMIT TITLES) to be able to properly judge an anime, I decided to teach people something that your teachers will never ever teach you in school - to be a total asshole. Now, it's rather difficult to be an asshole if you can't handle rejection, but don't fret, Me and my team of twat engineers will teach you the ways to become a straight talking, cynical badass like me so that you can tolerate rejection and scare away weak people and draw in stronger ones, not that they weren't sent by the weaker masses to teach you a lesson or anything, so let me teach you to be one of the strongest, just like what I did to Cirno.

Step 1. Call people through offensive names.


No, not your friends. As in random people you encounter, like in the bus or in restaurants. You need to begin with random people because you barely know them and that means you will have the least chances of meeting them again, so you can prepare this tactic to your friends next. The simplest of insults range from retardation to race, but I would prefer calling people through their race (e.g. call a black man a "nigger") because you need to make sure that they won't come at you and say "oh yeah? Then how do you find the perpendicular bisector of a segment, you self-centered twit?" because you made a false claim without knowing their historical background.

Step 2. Make sure you speak the truth.


As they say, the truth hurts, but not to me, so that means I'm almost entirely bulletproof! Now, you need to make sure you talk bad while being correct about it, as this especially works if you want to burn them. I suggest you focus on Filipinos because they're extremely nice and at the same time extremely emotional, although I'm a Filipino myself and tend to have this emotional side that I keep attempting to wash out with logistics and cold emotionless hatred. If you call them black, and it's true, then you're right on spot. If you called them black, but they're Irish, then they'll laugh at you for being a fucking idiot.

Step 3. Erase the feelings of regret.


Now this is a tricky one. After insulting people and they react by either punching your face or crying in the corner hugging their best friend or sibling like a fucking baby, you would tend to feel disheartened and remorseful by this. But it's best to ignore this and think about how many other friends you still have that worship you like a god and the number of people living in planet Earth being extremely bigger compared to your friend's little world. Just repeat on calling people through names and you'll get used to it to the point that you won't even feel empathy if you made a girl cry for being a total asshole, since that's what I'm supposed to teach you to be, right?

Step 4. Use your wits.


If you're a lawyer or are very used to arguing with people and usually win, then this part is going to be easy for you. What you basically do is burn them, as stated earlier. If you're a big jerk, you better make brutally effective comebacks to make them silent and have you crowned as the winner, so make sure your memory's sharp enough to keep up with the ever changing shift of whatever subject it is you're arguing about. If you know you're fucked in one point once they mentioned something about you contradicting something and then pointing out that you're actually for it now, just tell them that you're being a hypocrite on purpose because you think it's funny. If they say it isn't, then tell them the joke is meant for you and not for the person you're talking to, and that the entire argument was a whole joke and a time waster. Then laugh hard with your cynical friends as your assailant walks slowly away from you pissed off.

Step 5. Show off.


Pride is said to be the worst of all sins ever mentioned in the Bible, and that is so true you can claim Eiffel's existence to be false even with evidence. Showing off what you can do and telling everyone that you're so great at it would mean that you'll draw in a lot more haters than you might expect. If someone comes in and proves that they're better than you, make them challenge you at something you're good at that they're not, THEN you might win and have the authority to kick them in the balls in frustration of the previous challenge you lost at. I suggest you start mastering at least 10 various fields of sports, science, crafting, art and other things so you can tell everyone how big of a badass you are at anything and how they'll never reach to your level. Obviously this will be at the cost of your social life, but since I'm teaching you how to be antisocial this still works.

Step 6. Hate a lot of things.


This is for people who have too much time in their lives and too little interests. Basically you should just hate whatever anyone likes. For example - a group of nerds who play Magic: The Gathering arrive and ask you if you play aforesaid card game. Call it shit, and for virgins who sold their soul into one specific field in order to excuse themselves from ever taking a bath or appreciate their fear of women. If it's religion, go hate it. If it's My Little Pony, go hate it. If it's Touhou Project, go hate it. Just hate everything until someone comes to you and asks "if you hate Touhou, why do you have a picture of Tenshi on your wallpaper?", which is where Step 4 comes in. If you finish mastering how to hate things, now it's time to focus on people. Since you have no absolute feeling of regret, it's time for you to hate people for their looks, their race, their interests, anything. Just find any reason to hate them and you're all set to become the biggest asshole of the planet! (Not literally, because you'll become Goatse at this point)

Now that you're a total asshole...


You have finally mastered the art of assholery. Now that you lost all your friends and your chances of having someone of the opposite sex (or same sex) to love and care for you, go ahead and kill yourself because you're a corrupted antisocial pollutant who deserves to suffocate to death in the middle of a forced premature burial.
  • Mood: Tired
  • Listening to: La Campanella
  • Reading: Worst 100 Ways to Deliver Bad News
  • Watching: Seitokai No Ichizon
  • Playing: Kantai Collection
  • Eating: I got Hiei! Yay! (or fuck, since she can't cook)
  • Drinking: Yet another midnight H2O
I decided to not post this on Facebook because my aunts will say I'm psychotic or some such bullshit.

  • Mood: Tired
  • Listening to: BAD APPLE!
  • Reading: Grate Expectations
  • Watching: Monty Python's Life of Brian
  • Playing: Pilgrim Islands Reborn
  • Eating: Goldilocks polvoron
  • Drinking: Another Midnight H2O
Well if it isn't another review? Midterm exams are finally done and I can rest my limp body on the fucking bed and then cry and worry about the results because I didn't review before those fucking exams in the first place. Because this is what I reviewed. So it's basically my fault. Yeah, but I blame hentai, and Jesus. So it's that time of year when you're dry of ideas because you have only slept for about 5 hours because of some tree planting bullshit, and I will pretty much focus on playing instead of watching for a moment's time, starting with three not-so scary games (because I'm an agnostic, remember?)

Alright, counting down from D- to The Shit, I shall begin with Misao, a horror game about some tragic girl's vengeful spirit taking over the school and sending it to another dimension and some such rubbish, where you have to save your school from damnation while a bald-headed guy on a suit aids you. You guys remember Ib? Yeah, it wasn't scary to me. I mean, just a bunch of ladies whose bottom halves are stuck on fucking frames, black mannequins that move by themselves, and the mere fact that simply touching them will damage you until you die. I don't get the intention as to why that has to happen, because I see it as the biggest cliche in video gaming history. In Misao, touching things won't drain your health and instead kill you the instant you look at them, touch them, or think about what they'll do to you as you stand still in fear if your reflexes can be compared to a land snail crossing Commonwealth Avenue during rush hours. I find it funny that Aki doesn't shit herself (himself if you play the boy route) when seeing something disgusting like a decapitated head. Maybe she spent a lot of time watching videos in Ogrish.tv? Alright, what I do is basically collect Misao's body parts, place them on a shrine, and have at least 4 of the people that gave her a terrible life killed. Obviously I'm saving Misao so suicide isn't a solution. No, really, Aki doesn't give a fuck about her life or how her parents will get worried. She's probably just a generic character who thinks that life's a laugh and death's a joke, even though it might be true. So after you decided to murder who, you'll either get the good ending or the bad one. Your choice, because I don't wanna spoil it. But I'll give you a hint - one involves you dying, the other involves you unlocking some extra stage.

This game is a lot better than Ib, only because it has a lot of death scenes, like Brain Dead 13, a game I like if not repetitive. The only "death" scenes I find rather stupid is when you pick up a piece of paper that says "you're dead" and then looking up to see a human Twilight Sparkle covered in Kool Aid, and the part where you hide in a closet and wait until someone pops in front of you and fucks your tiny little girl/man body give you a little spook, and then the "game over" interface pops out. What I like about this game is that you can put a checkpoint anywhere in the game except when you're already screwed, like if you forgot to pick up a key from somewhere when you're in that scary-ass corridor with the ghost of some girl following you from behind. The moral of this game, however, is that bullying will turn people into hand fetishists, so it's a good thing I learned how to bash people's faces with my kneecaps when I was in preschool because my parents unwittingly gave me a PS2 with a copy of The Shield.

Next game in our list is Mad Father. A game that I believe is a prequel to Misao. The same bald-headed guy in a suit makes a comeback, but this time he wears a hat and sports a different name, this time he's called Shrek. You control Aya SHAMEIMARU! Drevis, a cute and cuddly 11 year old girl who lives in a mansion in Post-WWII Northern Germany (I assume she came from Schleswig-Holstein so I can have her play LEGO bricks with her closest neighbor Denmark) owned by her mother and given to her dad after she was murdered by her fa- I mean, CANCER. After hearing some noises from the hallway she decided to get out of bed and have a look, and saw something terrifyingly disgusting. Afterwards she realizes her dad's in trouble and she must fight the toughest bosses of the game yet - a hungry boy who you must feed in order to progress further, "mash the fucking Z button repeatedly while we play some funky techno music" events, stealth levels, and harmless shock game events like a puking statuette or hands popping out of a void. Mad Father is mainly story-based, a story I kind of like because I know why Alfred wants to keep Aya's precious cute and cuddly looking face preserved forever through embalming process because I'm psychotic myself and want everything to die (and stay preserved), but it's not that scary considering I have a fucking health bar and I practice Krav Maga, Silat and various other martial arts in real life. Aya has a tiny chainsaw but it doesn't kill, which is disappointing, since I usually play games that allow cars to set ablaze and explode if you bash it with a dildo too many times. You have to do a bunch of stuff to progress through the game and save your daddy from your mother's vengeful ghost, who didn't bother to reveal the truth in, I dunno, a dream before she started all of this? If I were dead and had ghostly powers I would've shown my best friends how I died, possess them, make them strip naked in front of the masses during a Catholic church sermon and start pole dancing on the fucking altar, and kick Danny Phantom on the nut sack until he bleeds ghost blood.

So Mad Father is good, but I don't find it scary. It has a good story, but not enough comedy-horror deaths like Misao had, just a bunch of things to do. The "mash the cock sucking Z button repeatedly while we play some funky ass techno music" part is a pretty silly and overused concept done in horror games, I've played Darkness Episode 3 and I had to do the inevitable "mash the spacebar repeatedly or you die" thing twice. I find Aya the cutest out of any of the characters in this review, and the rest got balls in their mouths, slurp slurp yum yum.

Final game, something I can compare to Touhou 15's Pointdevice Mode or Crash Bandicoot levels but with infinite lives. It's called The Witch's House, another horror game where you play as a bint who enters some house and tries to go further. This is a game about you dying repeatedly if you don't know what comes next, and I love it because of that concept! One thing worth noting is that this game does not involve you having to escape another world, or save your daddy, it's just you walking around exploring some house like going to the Haunted Mansion run by John Kramer. You just walk around, solve riddles and puzzles, advance, repeat, occasionally run away from something or you die. And die you will. Many times. Death does not nullify your contract (okay, let's not get this topic reach Madness: Project Nexus at this point because if I keep ejaculating inside its ass my balls are gonna fall off). So you solve for puzzles, use your wit, and win the game, assuming you escaped the witch once you reached her bedroom covered in period- I mean, Kool Aid. The moral of the story is that we're actually playing as the bad guy, assuming you got Ellen's knife before you left the house. SPOILER WARNING! SPOILER WARNING- aw, goddammit.

The puzzles of this game are really well designed. It's basically more fun and enjoyable than Ib's puzzle, because you don't have to solve for X or know the numbers from that guy's shirt. Misao's after guessing which brings you to the right place, and I got stuck in the codes part so I had to look up the internet. NAUGHTY CALICA! Mad Father's method is just being story-based, where you do a bunch of things to change how the story goes. The Witch's House is unlike the rest because its main focus is to be a puzzle game where you make sacrifices to unlock areas at the cost of increased risk of death. I like Mad Father because Aya is a cuddly girl who is the right girl at the wrong place, much like Half-Life 2. I like Misao because the deaths are kind of silly but rather dumb, and dumb people are fun to have a laugh around because you can make them eat spiders and tase their own ass. I like The Witch's House because it's a pretty good mental challenge and that you die repeatedly.

So if I'm going to be asked what game to pick out of the three, I pick Mad Father, because it's so long you can finish playing this game the moment you reach Norway from the Philippines by plane through two different airports. But if I'm gonna pick the scariest of all these games, I'd pick none of the above because, again, I'm agnostic and I don't believe in the supernatural as I understood the laws of physics, the types of matter and other science-y shit. I should probably go back to reviewing anime at this point, probably starting with that one with the orange-headed cunt with the anal fetish.
  • Mood: Tired
  • Listening to: ZUN - Nuclear Fusion
  • Reading: Wikipedia
  • Watching: Bataireacht stick fighting clips
  • Playing: Mad Father
  • Eating: Another Nutella sandwich
  • Drinking: Midnight H2O

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GiromCalica's Profile Picture
GiromCalica
"Girom" Christian N. Calica
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
Philippines


If you found me, congratulations. You must have come from YouTube or ROBLOX.

ROBLOX ACCOUNT: steathscope, EngagedUser, CrescentMare
Interests
Good news and bad news, everyone! The bad news is that more college projects just got into my way and took what little time I had left to watch Seitokai Yakiundomo or Seitokai no Ichizon, which means I can barely watch any animes at this point, and I blame hentai, and ROBLOX. And Jesus. Good news, however, is that I just rewatched my childhood show, namely Max and Ruby. I was surfing for hentai images of Keine getting it up the ass when I suddenly encountered images of men getting it up the ass, which is where I decided to search for things to wash my eyes in Google images with like munchkin kittens playing around, fax machine designs, or Childhood Ruined images, but I encountered something in the related images section saying "Childhood Ruined Max and Ruby" and I saw it as a sign from the heavens. I remember Max and Ruby in my childhood, back when my life was yet to be shaped by Swiss watchmaking companies or Touhou Project or back in the days when my house didn't burn down yet in 2009. So I looked up for an episode to review and chose Episode 9 in honor of the dumbest fairy in existence or Windows skipping to 10. Now without further ado, let's begin!

1. Max's Birthday


Here's one problem I have with cartoons - they make wind-up toys look more advanced than the show's setting itself. It looks like 1998 had 2030s clockwork inventions with infrared laser technology that runs on a mainspring, which boggles my fucking mind like that bird pistol. So anyways, the title is misleading - it's not about some party where Max blows some candles or tries to hit a pinata but instead ends up bashing her big sister up, it's just a lobster that was somehow already wounded before placed inside the box and still walked on its own for a long ass time even after it was left inside the box for a long ass time. Do these toys run on automatic quartz movements? Anyways, while Ruby is busy recycling the gift wrappers and turning them into thank you letters, Max plays with some automata chicks that can perform circus tricks as a hoop comes close to it while running on clockwork power and OH GOD I CAN ALREADY HEAR THE SCREAMS OF OBSESSED CLOCKPUNK FANS FROM HERE WHO WISH THIS WAS REAL. The mechanical lobster comes back to haunt Max and Ruby doesn't seem to give a shit as the toy ventures straight outta COMPTON the house, then back inside where Max runs away from the lobster while Ruby chases the lobster, then it changes to Max chasing the lobster behind Ruby and Max hitting a large box and the mechanical lobster giving Max a mechanical lobster penis up the ass a big hug before Ruby "rescues" Max and decides to place the aforesaid lobster back into the box where it once came from, only for Max to gain a sense of reverse psychology and decide to enjoy doing it with the lobster.

Wait, hold on, I hear cats getting fucked in the ass outside...

2. Max's New Suit


Ruby and Max are going to have visitors-

Wait there... WILL YOU PUSSIES SHUT THE FUCK UP?!

... Ahem.

Rose and Payne (please ignore the blood on my bolo) are going to have visitors today and now they have to get dressed up and look as rich as they could. While Ruby's efforts will end in vain since their parents are dead (I'm sure this might get debunked by Mythbusters soon no matter what) and their wealth can be compared to an Egyptian who runs an ice cream business in winter Norway, she is still determined to make herself look as rich as possible, by wearing a purple regalia (cheaply dyed) and using the best utensils she can find, which I can compare to utensils I find in junk shops, and brittle plates made of cheap ceramic, with plastic teacups you can find in children's tea sets on the side. Let's get on with this - Ruby forces Max to wear a suit where he responds with hostility and comes back to playing with his rocket toys. The number of times Max tries to get rid of the suit ended with him having to try to get rid of it again, like Sisyphus, except it ends when the gods finally had it and decided to keep the boulder on top so they could hang out with the Roman gods who were invited for Zeus's tea party. Except Sisyphus came in looking pants-on-head retarded and his sombrero covering his penis. So going back to Autodesk and Allen the previous sentence is almost the exact same thing that happened in the end, Ruby's friends who are poorer than her staring at Max's lack of gonads.

3. Goodnight Max


It's 12 in the night and May's little brother Max is having a hard time sleeping, probably because those loud cats outside are doing it on the road but actually it's because Max's big sister's gramophone records (wait, THEY STILL USE THOSE?) are still playing. Jack Ruby then says goodnight to her dolls Emily, Rapunzel, the Quacks, Shanghai, Freddy Fazbear, and a talking jenglot. Max Tennyson accidentally spills water on his shirt and had to wear another one instead of, you know, waiting for it to dry by itself. Then a medieval biscuit with ancient raspberry jam filling that had been stuck inside the pocket of his new pajamas for centuries stained his new shirt. Afterwards he stuck a piece of Mesoamerican bubblegum on his pants and had to wear yet another set of pajamas. How many fucking pajamas does this boy own? It's like they're being issued by the government! So anyways after that the Lunarians made a signal to Max requesting him to send a moon rabbit named Reisen Inaba to save them since the humans returned to invade the moon again, this time with robots from China, but Max misinterpreted the message as "I WANNA FUCKING KEEP YOU AWAKE, BOY" and asks his big sister to close the drapes. Afterwards, Ruby Gallagher gives her talking jenglot to Maxillaria so he could sleep at long last. Fortunately it worked, because any other kid would be scarred for life and have a hard time sleeping with an embalmed fetus that has been crafted into a humanoid doll. Now Robbie Rue gives Max a goodnight kiss, tells her dolls, and Max "goodnight" before telling herself to give a good night sleep while Max's jenglot screams "mati sudah!" repeatedly.

Overall Review


The charm I find about Max en Ruby is its animation style. It's the way it's animated that, despite looking rather like a crudely (yet professionally) made sprite animation uploaded for Newgrounds, gives the show its unique charm, although Monty Python looks funnier since it had tits. The backgrounds looking painted and the characters and their stuff looking cell-animated like Rozen Maiden: Zuruckspulen's shittier way of animating may make your brain shit itself through your nostrils because it gave you a cerebral enema, but to me it's kind of like Mr. Bean, and I remember how funny and uniquely animated Mr. Bean was, back when words like "pudding" makes me laugh because I couldn't understand them because I was fucking 8.

The voice acting's unlike most other cartoons I watched in my childhood. Other cartoons had shitty-ass voice acting which made me want to get a scorpion and a tarantula and play some Audiomachine in the background while I watch the two fight each other to the death. Max & Ruby's voice acting is a lot better since it felt kind of professional instead of the awkward fake exaggeration of voice. Ruby's voice sounds charming (probably because Katie Griffin voiced her) while Max's voice sounds rather natural. Speaking of the characters, Ruby talks a lot while Max only utters a few words, just like real life depictions of aristocratic girls and boys. Something unusual to see in animated shows these days except for maybe in Gravity Falls or Haiyore! Nyaruko-san. I don't know what keeps Ruby so fucking tolerant to Max's acts of misbehavior since I would usually throw him into a fucking volcano if he'd ever try to commit the same mistake thrice, but at least it's a hell of a lot less depressing than Pingu.

One thing that displeases my interest of this show is its lack of a good enough storyline. The story of each episode is usually the "self-righteous elder forces kid to do what elder believes is right except the kid proves otherwise in the end" cliche, and as time progresses it becomes as insubstantial as eating paper in place of bread. Sure, it's 495 times funnier than Pingu and Nu Pogodi combined but it's only almost as funny as My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, although I discovered MLP months after I was circumcised, at the time I already became a man. And at the time I became a man I became attached to MLP, then currently with anime, and then watchmaking, and then hentai featuring girls getting it deep in the ass. Sure there's rule 34 of this show already but hey, I'm still asking myself this question - WHERE THE FUCK DO THESE KIDS GET THEIR MONEY FROM? Obviously there's their grandmother but I doubt she still has a job. Maybe the CIA paid them to be watched by the government through hidden CCTV cameras, and that includes being in the middle of bath times or something, but not by perverted pedophiles because Ruby is fucking 7 for Christ's sake.

Overall Max and Ruby is a beautifully animated children's show, despite originally being a book written by someone named Parsley Somerset, who nearly had an Edgar Award for her book called "Through The Hidden Door". If Rosemary DID win that Edgar Award then Max and Ruby might have outlived the First French Republic by an extra 3 decades.
  • Mood: Christmas Spirited
  • Listening to: La Campanella
  • Reading: Why?:Don't we do it in the road?
  • Watching: Friends
  • Playing: Agar.io
  • Eating: I got Fusou! Yay! (or fuck, she malfunctions alot)
  • Drinking: Afternoon H2O

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Comments


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:iconicebluu:
IceBluu Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Girom gimme a lamma :D


Also I drew an awesome oc xD

She's like a girl on two braids wearing somekind of clothes that looks like a belly dancers clothes and she carries a huge bastard sword... on one hand :P
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yup she's a demon.
Reply
:iconicebluu:
IceBluu Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Hahaha Girom I just found a good anime and it's name is touhou anime project xD (seriously)

It just released now as in now.
The day I commented this the anime got released with sub's xD
Reply
:icongiromcalica:
GiromCalica Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Bad news: You're FAR too late. I already watched the anime (The one with Yuuka Kazami?) and the (good) Japanese fandub. Should
Reply
:iconicebluu:
IceBluu Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
HAHAHA WHAT ANIME I:

I havent watched it yet. o/
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:icongiromcalica:
GiromCalica Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
The Touhou fan anime you told me?
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconicebluu:
IceBluu Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
DA fuk am I doin... The mobile DA is so hard to use S:
Reply
:iconicebluu:
IceBluu Featured By Owner May 27, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Yo  Girom about your mermaid

Its dead

ok bai
Reply
:icongiromcalica:
GiromCalica Featured By Owner May 27, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
... ARE YOU SHITTING ME?
Reply
:iconbluesnowangel24:
BlueSnowAngel24 Featured By Owner May 27, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Huehuehue

no
Reply
:icongiromcalica:
GiromCalica Featured By Owner May 28, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
I can't remember if IceBluu and BlueSnowAngel24 is one and the same.
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