I kid, really. I'm actually going to review this manga I just started reading, and it's called Kissxsis. And after that I'll review Gravity Falls Episode 31 (or episode 11 of season 2 of Gravity Falls but to hell with that) called "Not What He Seems" to make this first "twin review" of mine a lot more fitting. Now, people will think I'm weird and gross for going pro on brother-sister incest and I'm not (despite the assload of Gravity Falls shipping of Dipper and Mabel I drew 2 to 3 years prior because I was fucking 15) but since there is two girls, I'll let it slide, assuming that there's more than one girl to focus on, like Lover in Law, which, if you're below 17, should not watch until you're my age or something. Then again, don't bother reading this shit until you're in the age of consent unless you're in Angola or something. If you're reading this, and you're like 12 years old, please get your lethal dose of Forget-a-cin and resort to staring at pictures of Irish Wolfhounds or Terriers... Or something.
Now let's start with KissxSis. KissxSis tells the story of a boy, who is now close to being a man, and his life with his two older twin stepsisters and how Harem happens. And happen it will. Multiple times. On the way he encounters more obscene things and events that will probably drive him to lust. And lust it will. Multiple times.
The word of the Lord. (thanks be to God!)
So anyways the story begins with dogs barking at a boy named Keita, who ends up crying in fear, and his older twin stepsisters Ako and Riko, who cheer him up by kissing him on the cheek (which is said to be "the usual") and then zooming out to the sunset view. Fast forward several years later and we see the usual being done to him as a way to wake him up, like in every morning you get to eat delicious croissants, except you're eating it against your will. Keita has to pass the test so he will get to study with his two stepsisters and hang out for a longer time period, if a mere 4 years is long for you at least.
After reading chapter 21 I decided to try and watch the OVA and ended up searching for brick suicide engineers to help me forget the first 4 minutes I saw of it. Took another peek and now I can't stop watching. Help. But anyways, since I read the manga first before seeing the anime, it's better to review what I know most about first before this, but it will probably be unfair for both this and Gravity Falls since one's a book and the other has moving pictures complete with voice, sound and a lot of action.
Anyways let's begin with the art style. Like the anime, it's shallow as fuck. The art style looks like the manga came from 2004, around the time this brown-headed tart here existed. But this makes it look unfair for Rozen Maiden, which was made a year prior to Haruhi Suzumiya's existence. The perspective's fucked up but I suspect this to be a style, but I find this as a sort of "lazy style" of drawing by simply drawing the pattern on their clothes with no reference to its perspective around how it should look like in 3D, much like old Ukiyo-e art, which I find funny if you somehow animated them like Monty Python art. The art of this however can be compared to old paleolithic-
Wait, this came out in 2005? THAT FUCKING EXPLAINS IT.
So anyways, unlike Rozen Maiden, which died out like the Western Roman Empire died out to Survey Corps leader Erwin Smith, Kissxsis is continuing its faithful production until God decides to make Bow Ditama stop his immoral and sinful work, but I doubt God would since he's busy hanging out with Johnny Depp as long as Bow still has ideas and motivation for it. This manga is pretty much like the Norwegian Armed Fores right now, considering it existed since the 9th century, but it still won't beat Golgo 13 whose age is fucking comparable to San Marino right now or maybe a living fossil like a horseshoe crab.
Let's skip to the story. Is it good? Kind of. Is it funny? Yes. Does it proudly and bravely display women's nipples? FUCK NO. Chokotto Sister may have died half as fast as the First French Empire, but at least it had a long lasting legacy to me, and at least it had the balls to show women's nips unlike this trash. Yes, it may be funnier, but at least Chokotto Sister was at least several times more innocent. The story's source of laughs mostly come from sexual events, pain, or reactions from certain events that may or may not be related to sex. Pain is what I find funny and cute whenever I see Ako's adorable face with a bandage on her forehead after getting a swift smack across her bonce from Keita and at least Keita's not a huge rapist like one of his teachers, who was close to spoiling the twins, but was caught in the act.
Speaking of which, the characters are pretty well, uh... Yeah, you get the idea. You have the boy, Keita, who attempts to fight lust and occasionally winning because of divine intervention, his twin stepsisters Ako and Riko who happen to have similarities and differences of their own like how one is resistant to alcohol and has the ability to cook while the other is a useless piece of slag that somehow wins by the power of even more lust despite her opposite having her own set of censored pornographic images. And then you have the parents who happen to look older than they actually are and are somewhat okay with whatever the fuck is happening to their kid's lives (presumably they want to spend more quality time to play the naked wrestling game together but actually just a massage), and then the kids have classmates like the jelly dude with thick eyebrows, Miharu the meganekko with messy hair and a patient of enuresis whose shy attitude shadows the ultimate, deadly power within her fists, Mikazuki, a middle-school girl who happens to be perverted and lacks any sense of decency, and her older sister, the otaku teacher. All the girls I mentioned are going after Keita, the poor sod.
This manga is pretty close to winning top 2 in my most favorite animes of all time, but it failed to reach it because:
A) It doesn't have the balls to show nipples despite the depiction of cumming; and
B) It's just not innocent.
However for good story and humor I'll fucking highly recommend this manga as long as you're the kind of guy who laughs at porn, like how I laugh at Hotkinkyjo shoving entire 40cm sword dildos up her asshole like a fucking champ, right down to the grip itself. May be painful and disgusting to you but to me I already busted a nut before I started.
Not What He Seems
Now let's move from a something manga to a something cartoon. Gravity Falls Episode 31, the episode of Gravity Falls that had my jaw tear itself out of my skull in awe for having so many fucking mysteries in it to the point that my brain literally exploded (last time that happened was when I discovered that infinite chocolate trick) after A Tale of Two Stans explained everything that made me go "OH SO THAT EXPLAINS WHY STAN HAD SO MANY FUCKING FAKE IDS AND HOW THAT WOMAN'S LEFT EYE IS ALWAYS CLOSED" as I dunk my head in an aquarium full of kagerou kois.
Let's get on to business, as this is the part where I summarize the plot. Stan just got hold of deadly chemicals to activate the portal thing that was shown to us in the final episode of season 1, which caused some anti-gravity field thing that causes stuff in Gravity Falls to float and then fall back down a few seconds later. The next day, Mabel, Dipper and Stan enjoy some illegal fireworks and water balloons to put out the fires that, if left untreated, would arrest them for arson. After that snipers aim at Stan as he walks behind the shaq and the government arrests Stan for theft of aforementioned chemicals and sends the twins to some child care thing but both of them escape, Stan having told Soos (or Jesus) to guard a snack machine while Mabel and Dippy finding out that Stan DID steal those chemicals after a barrel crushed his toes and swore "SON OF A BITCH!" right on camera. Stan fakes his escape by giving a taxi driver a hundred bucks to drive away from the shaq as far as possible (I'll keep calling it "shaq" until it gets a laugh, you bastards!) as Soos arrives just in time to guard the snack machine, only for Dippy to successfully open the secret doorway to the portal. Just as when they were close to shutting down the portal did Stan manage to stop Dippy from pressing the button, because Dippy's the heartless but wise motherfucker who thinks his assumptions are the most correct considering he's more logical than he is emotional, unlike Mabel, who knows what emotion really IS like (and to be perfectly honest, I hate emotion because it hinders my progress).
The zero gravity thing happens again and then Soos and Dippy prevent Stan from stopping Mabel from turning off the switch, and Mabel finally cries for the first time since she was born, methinks. After understanding emotion much more than her twat brother, she decides to follow Stan and the course of history has changed forever, when suddenly Stan's twin brother, Stan, the author of the journals, arrived back to the universe he was born in where everything was explained in the next episoAAAAAAAA!
In my opinion, Gravity Falls's story beats Bioshock Infinite in storytelling mainly because of how complicated and connected the whole story is, like everything was planned from the start, which makes every seemingly loose mysterious ends tie up altogether in later episodes, and thus avoiding paradoxes that the human mind might just not comprehend. Sometimes I prefer the Touhou method of storytelling. Kill fairies, converse with and defeat bosses, get special ending. That's it... Although you can play as other characters to reveal other endings that somehow connectAUGH!
So GF S2 Ep11 is indeed one of the best, and darkest, episodes of Gravity Falls. Christ, just when you think the season finale was the best, GF just makes more progressively better content than Spongebob. Robot Chicken follows this method and they're pretty successful. They never age.
But Gravity Falls will age, because summer has to end sometime. The characters will lose their purpose once they achieved their goals (except for Mabel, who is most likely destined to never get laid with any man ever), and once everything about Gravity Falls has been explained there's no reason for Gravity Falls to be mysterious anymore, which is the purpose of the show. They'll say goodbye, end their stories, and the Pines twins will go back home, unless that one eyed 2D pyramid thing did something to keep summer forever. One Piece will most likely live extremely long - the series takes place in an adventure in an infinitely expanding universe, which is why it's been a huge ass success. Adventures in infinite worlds make a story live for a long time until the author's death or the ones holding his or her legacy gives up - which is why Clifford the Big Red Dog remains its notorious power despite having feeble demographics or that fact that Norman Bridwell died last Christmas (a mere heart failure won't stop him now, you fucking disease!) Max and Ruby lasted only a few years because initial episodes never taught children anything except being self-righteous which only got better in later episodes after they understood what the fuck they were actually supposed to do, and anything sweet that Max does to Ruby like hugging each other in the end of episodes seem to be the highest rated, according to what I find in YouTube, but it still died out and what remains of its legacy to me is considered shit by newer people and adults who never saw this show when they were kids, like barbarians such as Goths, Vandals and Huns who didn't know how huge Ancient Rome's power was back then and now treat the empire like stray dogs.
Gravity Falls's story involves personal lives. KissxSis's story also involves personal lives. The only difference is that GF is stuck in a shitload of restrictions that make it difficult to progress infinitely, probably draining what limited ideas they have left save for a portal that leads to other dimensions like the Combine Overworld in Half-Life. KissxSis is barely restricted (only censorship applies) and that they're free to expand the story as long as they like, with little restriction. But too much of something might end up having us lose interest of it, where we get bored and causing the series to slowly die afterwards, overshadowing it with new and better things. My questions now are these:
1) Since Gravity Falls is new and has a huge amount of fans and an excellent story, is Gravity Falls going to outlive KissxSis? Or is KissxSis going to outlive Gravity Falls since KissxSis has a lot more options to expand itself despite a smaller demographic? And
2) Is it me or did I just mentioned history two and several paragraphs ago?