I know what you're thinking. You think I would hate this game and shout "THIS GAEM ISS LAMER DAN WOT CUZ I DONT GET 2 CONTROL MAH SHIPS", but - obviously and predictably - you made the wrong assumptions. Kancolle is an online F2P game made by [too lazy to look this up] and has a huge variety of ships to choose. Not just ships, anyway. Before I started playing this I sought for an English patch of the game, which never even existed. I almost never got to play it in the first place when I realized how complicated it is to sign up. It's like buying a Vacheron Constantin watch, except you'll have to assemble the tourbillon itself.
But anyways I still managed to sign up and get the game starting thanks to a video tutorial. Yes, I'm that much of a n00b. At first I couldn't understand the interface, but I got used to it later on as I pounded my way through the tutorial. Heck, if I can just get a ship for free, what's the fucking point of building one, anyway? Ah, whatever, if I have enough materials I might be lucky enough to get a Musashi. I guess it's like creating your own baby where in level 99 or higher you have the option to allow her to become your wife. WHAT?! The Electra complex in this game is more rampant than Rozen Maiden's, I guess.
Speaking of which, the game's quite a slow boil. Repairs take like 9 minutes unless I got a bucket of snot to get it done swiftly, building ships take more than 20 minutes unless you got a hammer and a bent nail to get it done swiftly (except it's a flamethrower, because fuck logic), and let's not forget about the button on the far right of the Sortie. You'll have to unlock Expedition by finishing a bunch of quests on the right, and to do that I have to grind enemies to level up fast and get new ships. I like grinding, but then again I like destroying houses with an Armtrac while listening to Grinder by Frank Klepacki. You grind to earn resources or level up your ships.
Unlike World of Tanks, you don't necessarily need to fight other players to gain money and experience, and then fail hard and cry the Volga river, you simply have to continue exploring the world, unlock maps, upgrade your ships, blah blah blah and then you're done. In fact, I find this game to be easy and it's a tad more complicated than Pokemon, but a tad less complicated when fighting. If you encounter enemy ships, you simply create a formation for your ships, sit down and eat some popcorn like the lazy ass twit you are. You're the one whose going to take care of those girls while they follow your orders, steal resources and fight a bunch of mooks. You're their fucking nurse.
I love the fact that it's easy to earn ships and resources are pretty abundant. Despite being too easy, I can still appreciate its style of battle. You'll just gamble and guess who wins the battle. I got a C only once in the game and it's because I didn't grind enough and used underleveled girls to fight in the more advanced hostile waters. I can select what quests I should do while at home, especially the fourth one (to unlock Expedition) which involved me trying to get a light cruiser as the lead ship. The only light cruiser I had as the lead ship is none other than Tatsuta, a girl who is Yuuka Kazami in all but appearance and power. I'll be honest, I didn't realize she was a psychopath until I read a comic involving her and the admiral. But while quests give me awards such as extra munitions, fuel and iron, I don't need another extra lance flamme to build an extra ship, all I needed was SOME FUCKING BUCKETS! Christ, I have to wait like some 10 bleeding minutes just to repair a ship, and I'm currently limited to 2 slots!
There's another mode in the game and in the Sortie you can fight other players. What you simply have to do is just choose what formation they'll do and ready your pack of Clover Chips. What's good about this mode is that you don't need to repair your ships, but they'll still waste ammunition, which kinda sucks. But then again at least you don't have to pay when you fight other players, but in World of Tanks, the disadvantage of repairs, resupply and new tank purchase is nullified by the amount of time it takes to buy/repair/replenish them. In Kantai Collection, however, the advantage of repairs, replenishment and shipbuilding is nullified by the amount of time it takes to buy/repair/replenish them, meaning this game has arbitrary wait times! Thank God for the consumables like the flammenwerfer and the bucket of snot, which is some of the most limited shit in this game.
What I like about this game, however, is that even though ships are cheap, you can upgrade one of your ships by merging it with a bunch of ships you think do not deserve your love, you cruel bastard. After that, depending on what ships you sacrificed or upgraded, your ships will have increased stats like the vitamins in Pokemon, but cheaper. In fact, obtaining free ships is the equivalent of picking up litter in Shaw Boulevard, except the litter this time is pure gold so common you can just melt down unnecessary ones and merge them with your favorite piece of trash.
I'm not saying Kancolle is trash. Of all the garbage internet gaming has to offer, this one surprisingly has my tastes like those shitty unoriginal tycoon games in ROBLOX that I used to like until I took the final button, and you can't even save your sodding cash. Sometimes a friendly hacker would help me get through the ranks and earn a ton of cash. Kancolle is simply a time sink, but a nice one at least. Then again, this is the first game that I play and understand fully that isn't in English or in any other language I can understand. Well, save for the girls who talk, anyway.
But if I have to choose the best game I've ever played, I don't think this will reach number 1. It may have lots of things you can collect and unlock because I'm a selfish asshole and it may be fun to see your ships get half damaged while unconsciously masturbating, but I think Kantai Collection isn't a game, I see it more as a fucking casino, except you get to win a lot this time. I'll still stick with Touhou because of how challenging it is to beat a boss unlike this game where all you do is watch your girls fight their enemies for your love. It's cute, I know, but the gameplay isn't much of a challenge. I'll stick with Touhou for now because there are points in the game where I sincerely missed being able to cry in frustration. Crimea river.
UPDATE: I just realized that the development material consumables and the flamethrower were entirely different. I shall now give the world a thumbs up, a written apology and a great big smile while I hang myself.