War isn't as awesome as you think it is. It's as painful and as brutal as being circumcised through the use of a cheese grater without any anesthetic (if they're male; otherwise they'd be giving birth to a giant saguaro cactus). But what's awesome about war is the pros it gives to the common individual, since less people mean shorter lines for the movies, the bathroom, and pretty much everything else, and also the 10 o'clock news will show so much brutality and bloodshed that it makes Drive Angry look more like Dora the Explorer in comparison. But what certainly won't help is if you give war some rules, except it'll be safe enough for you to join in and try to decapitate your stupid next door neighbor with a bastard sword. Seriously, the Geneva convention should ban death in general so that it'll turn ISIS into a football club or something, whatever the fuck.
Dog Days is basically that. War has rules, and therefore you're not allowed to kill. Killing someone would be punishable by death, so the executor must be executed as well, and the cycle will repeat until no one else exists in this once-beautiful alternate dimension. Wait, that came out wrong. What Dog Days actually is is that there's this acrobatic dude named "Kitchen Sink" who is half-British half-Japanese, his video gamer friend, his cousin, and a lot of anthropomorphic animals with names that just made me so hungry for pastry all of a sudden... Be right back!
Alright, just ate a Hansel and am about to sleep, which means that there's another intermission right about... Now.
[INTERMISSION (again, goddammit)]
Just finished masturb- I mean, sleeping. So anyways, Dog Days takes place in two worlds - Earth, the place where a Kitchen Sink and his friends came from (and is barely shown in all three seasons), and some other Earth that I call "Harem Earth" because majority of the girls will fall in love with a Kitchen Sink since it came to their world as "their hero". I'll keep calling him Sink until it gets a laugh, you bastards! When he was about to leave for some place (probably London), a puppy with a dagger casts a pentacle on the ground and they both get sent to another world, where war is considered a sport instead of a solution for religious or political conflicts and thus the winning faction gets two-thirds of the prize and the rest have to share what is left like if you're 22 hours late for your birthday party and almost your entire cake has been consumed by your assholic friends. So anyways, Cinque (I spelled it properly this time!) was sent to this other Earth by a puppy named Millhiore Biscotti and... Dammit, I'm hungry again.
[INTERMISSION (really, dude?)]
ALRIGHT, MOVING ON! And because Cinque was told by everyone to be their new hero, as in their savior during times of last-ditch attempts to win a game, he decided to use his own powers by patting his enemies on the head and turn them into cute, fluffly balls of fur, like Yayan Ruhian in a future The Raid film because of his unusually fast hair growth. So Cinque teams up with Eclair, which was probably the same Eclair I regret buying from 7-11, to beat Leonmitchelli Galette Des Rois, AKA that pie with a crown, except it's a cat that wields a huge battle axe and a corset that barely covers her cleavage, and so they did, but at the cost of Eclair's clothes exploding because it touched Cinque's staff of doom. I don't get why their armor had to instantly degrade violently after getting hit by a very old and frail (and drunk) Irishman with a worn out shillelagh – I think it's basically designed to do that so the Defeat by Modesty trope starts glomping this anime until they both die falling 30 storeys below because they're in an apartment block in Indonesia.
I don't like an anime that tries to be funny by breaking the 4th wall unless it involves some Lovecraftian being that wants to be called "san" despite her ahoge and obvious stupidity and inability to resist the pain of forks. Hell, Tenshi loves pain much more than Jesus Christ or everyone in Kink.com who are currently in the middle of BDSM training, or both. But do the characters in Dog Days feel pain? Since they all have such overpowered super moves that can send giant mountains cartwheeling into Lake Geneva (especially Rolex HQ, because fuck Rolex), everyone should have been obliterated in the very first fight, but NO, their powers cannot kill and thus anything that isn't an animal or a human should turn into burning hot cinders. While it would be fun to actually kill people, it'd be even MORE fun to continually make fun of their weak status by continually gunning them down using a SIG (with a bottomless STANAG magazine) that you bought from another world and reverse-engineered in Gensokyo until they ragequit in frustration as tears roll down their stupid fat faces. So the concept of turning war into some sort of sport is a lot better than legalizing murder during wars, but then again that concept will cause overpopulation and thus lack of food, and lack of food means people will start making cannibalistic cults and it'll become like Doomsday all over again.
The characters are pretty well designed. It's nice to see people create a better medieval time than what it really was, where bathing is illegal according to early Christian laws or where water is crap and therefore beer is the ultimate alternative and thus creating the only kind of heaven my dad would enjoy. Cinque wears a robe that kings would wear and it resembles a retro-futuristic jacket for later Mirror's Edge games, Millhiore wears a corset and a dress with detached sleeves, so there's some armpit points for you there, Leonmitchelli wears a pair of denim shorts and a cape that makes Cesare Borgia jealous, and that one nerdy squirrel only wears a lab coat. I don't know how their technologies work since in the case of the artist making designs for machines, they barely do any scientific research to make it plausible. "But hey, it's just an anime, so who cares?" THE FUCKING MYTHBUSTERS. ALSO, ME. Then again, a world where anthropomorphic puppies, kittens and squirrels fight each other in a medieval war that is a sport could not be explained by science, so they would probably ignore that and instead rely on magic. Hell, they use magic-y science in fight scenes as well!
One thing worth noting is that the story's not too great and not too crap. I haven't finished the first season but finished the second entirely, mainly because I lost the files and can't be asked to download them again (illegally). But, judging with what limited knowledge about the anime I watched, all I can say is that this anime is okay with girls torturing the only few boys and call it "playful teasing", and this is probably the point where a lot of misogynists flood in and praise me as their new prophet, but no. The first few episodes were okay since the animators gave Cinque the chance to actually dodge Eclair's knife slashes once her clothes disintegrated like a malfunctioning Roman Candle, and I find later episodes to be funny, but I'm a little (okay, maybe a lot) pissed off at how Eclair simply can't submit to love and accept the fact that she is obviously cuddling the guy while he sleeps instead of punching him really hard in the abdomen until he ends up like Harry Houdini and keep denying like she believes that the power of denial can change the fabric of reality if you keep objecting hard enough.
Dog Days isn't that much of a great anime, but I do like it only when scenes were funny, but I can't think of reasons to watch it again since I felt kind of bored afterwards, as I can barely find any memorable scenes that are worth watching again. Hell, I think Bonifacio's armory raid scene is slightly more worth watching again even though the dramatic feeling disappears so quickly afterwards. So I'm giving Dog Days a mere 6 and a half shillelaghs out of ten. Watch it once, then forget all about it. Let it slip in and out of your mind like an image of your grandmother during sex. I'll go watch Nagi no Asukara and a bunch of other animes now while eating Oreo since I just ran out of things to review, maybe that Rin route from Katawa Shoujo next.