My review of M.U.G.E.N.

I just finished masturbating to lolis wearing butt plug tails the size of softballs after spending about 3 hours playing Pilgrim Islands Reborn just to finish building a bridge design I drew from me notebook when suddenly the before-mentioned words whispered in my head - "OH SHIT I DIDN'T WATCH ANY ANIME I'M FUCKED". I then rushed in to look for anything to review (so I could procrastinate any other possible projects that I should have been working on at the moment because finals are coming, goddammit) while cleaning this BIC marker I just finished shoving up my ass, when suddenly I saw the logo of a certain game in my desktop. I saw this as a miracle and thought that I should start reviewing it. Yes, it's called "Army Men RTS".

So Army Men RTS is obviously a real-time strategy game, and if the acronym "RTS" still didn't process into your head then go back to studying sex-ed in high school. Army Men is a series about some toy army men soldiers who came from another dimension and arrived to Earth, only to come back after discovering that the effects of staying on Earth for too long will turn them into toys themselves. However that doesn't apply in RTS, meaning that we humans can see tiny plastic men come to life and claim our house as their territory and that they'll blow up our television sets and our breakfast if we do not bow down to them and declare our house as the territory for the Kingdom of Tan Country or whatever.

While playing this game, waiting for my toy soldiers to be mass produced drove me to just building 3 garages and 2 barrackses (or whatever the fuck is the plural noun for it) and because my entire army consisted of tanks, I was totally overpowered until those fucking thumbtacks blew up every tank that passes over it like a suicide booth for a skinny-dip in Erta Ale. I would suggest using choppers at this point but they don't do as much damage as tanks could against structures like guard towers. Speaking of defensive structures, EVERY FUCKING DEFENSIVE STRUCTURES IN THIS GAME ARE TOTALLY FUCKING FRAGILE GLASSWARE WHEN AGAINST TANKS. Pillboxes are good against infantry but not choppers and tanks. Towers are good against choppers and infantry but not tanks. AA cannons are good against choppers but not tanks and infantry. So I would suggest sending Sarge in, because in the Army Men logic a few shots from a Desert Eeagle is enough to cause heavily armored vehicles to explode unlike in real life.

Okay, let's start playing M.U.G.E.N. now. Whoops! It crashed while playing as Johnny Cage and ending Reisen rightly, which means I shall start reviewing it AFTER I review Red Alert 3, namely the expansion pack Red Alert 3: Uprising.

Red Alert 3 is the sequel to the Red Alert games. I haven't played the first Red Alert mostly because the Brotherhood of Nod is involved, but I did play Red Alert 2, which was pretty fun. I enjoyed gathering ore with my ore collecting vehicles especially if I use the Allied ones because of Chrono technology where people can teleport from one area to another, but it's a lot more worth it if I play as the Soviets because the ore miner of this one has a fucking gun, or if I play as Yuri's since the Slave Miner can simply stay next to the source of all this damn ore and I'm rich! Red Alert 3, however, decides to simply make it a lot easier to mine for ore like "generic ROBLOX tycoon number 86" since the ore miner just needs to be next to the fucking mining facility and rendering every form of defense they could perform as entirely useless. However, Red Alert 3 has these unlockable protocols that make smashing a base to oblivion a lot more awesome, considering that you're the one using them, because if not it's gonna suck for you.

Playing as the Soviets, I missed having my Apocalypse Tanks gain the ability to strike down planes and air vehicles, as that was the only thing that made them so fucking overpowered. However, it compensates for the fact that it's the most heavily armored land vehicle in the whole Red Alert series, even beating the giant King Oni robot with eye-beams and the Allied Terminators that shoot both laser beams and glowing blue orbs of death in one-on-one battles. Kirov Airships are thankfully given the ability to go faster at the cost of health but is nerfed by more powerful vehicles like the Giga Fortress and the Harbinger gunship. I would prefer the Harbinger over the Giga Fortress since the Giga Fortress is slow as fuck compared to this overpowered beast, but the Giga Fortress breathes laser beams that causes the ground to explode and can turn into an anti-air and anti-surface battleship, but whatever. I finished all campaigns and most of them involved sending units to certain places and wait for cutscenes or blowing some shit up, some involved capturing some buildings with an engineer, the rest might as well be something about castle defense or whatever. Yes Red Alert 3 is still fun, but I'd be having much more fun if it wasn't shit.

Great, now that we're done with that, let's begin the actual review for M.U.G.E.N.

Ahem...

Total War: Shogun 2 is yet another RTS game that features both real-time and turn-based gameplay and takes place in Sengoku Japan where various clans fight each other in lots of wars to gain control of Kyoto and ultimately become the shogunate of all of Japan. Now all we need is to insert Scottish clans and we're all set for a battle between two cultures from two different sides of the planet, and the Scots might win mainly because there's a shitload of them. The game features campaign mode, online multiplayer mode, and custom battle mode, and in custom battles you can choose between land battle, siege battle and naval battle. If you're going for naval battle I would suggest you capture that Portuguese black ship first because it's a lot more OP than all other ships Japan has because Japan is known to claim that they're a superior, developed country whereas their ships can't fucking sink down at least one Portuguese ship and that Portugal has hundreds of these fuckers since Japan's only projectiles at the time were arrows, tiny round shots, and matchlock balls.

I liked how I can recreate the Battle of Pharsalus just by making my tiny army of ashigaru yari battle-hardened veterans and giving my enemy, the Takeda clan shitloads more Yari ashigaru than one might be able to handle, also giving them lots of horses because we know Takeda's a master of horses. Then I began the battle and shit happens - it didn't work as I expected it, mainly because Feudal Japan isn't Ancient Rome. It seems I can only recreate JAPANESE battles, which is disappointing except for maybe the Battle of Nagashino where I have yaris on the sides and my matchlocks on the front lines gunning down horses repeatedly. The turn-based part made me feel like a businessman, a terrible one indeed. I kept trying to prevent parts of my empire from rebelling against me so I had to keep majority of my fucking army garrisoned in the castle and the army upkeep is just expensive as hell, and I can only send so little to destroy an army, which means that "Easy Mode" in Total War is basically like "Hard Mode" in most Touhou games, except for Imperishable Night, maybe.

Wait a minute, how much time do I have left? 10 seconds? OH SHIT!

MUGEN is a fighting game engine that allows people to insert characters, stages and fight against them or with them whatever or watch them fight to the death so you can see which has the strongest ass AI so you can modify it to make them nerfed, GOODNIGHT!