My review of Mirai Nikki

Driven by religion, driven by insanity, driven by SOME GOD THAT JUST APPEARED INSIDE YOUR THOUGHTS, a bunch of random people (you might be included) start killing each other to win the aforesaid god's throne and claim it as your own. The problem is that there can be only one, and unless you are an antisocial loner who likes girls a lot less than cars or Romanian in-jokes (like me!) you can't bring your psychotic girlfriend with you and share the same seat like how I struggle to comfortably sit in a cramped jeepney during rush hours. So skipping this intro really quickly, Mirai Nikki is an anime about 12 random twats who had miserably simple lives that, after hearing from Deus that there's a game where people have to kill each other to become God and prevent some 2012 shit from happening (starring John Cusack), decide to do exactly that to save the world while taking off a bit of it with them.

Yuki's girlfriend is a psychotic cunt with pink hair who had murdered her own parents because she was grown in a cage as an experiment. In her rage, she killed both of them, kept their smelling corpses inside the cage she used to be in, and live alone in a rotting house whilst living on apples and raw pigeon meat and doing the monthly "beat the dead bodies of your parents with a lead pipe" event in remembrance of their fateful days. Yuki himself, however, is a giant pussy who prefers throwing darts at people and their diaries, electronic or not, and using his girlfriend to do all the killing for him because he's unable to hold a gun, aim at a mook, pull the trigger, and wait for magic. His father's death, despite being kind of cliche, drove him into becoming a backstabbing, middle-school terrorist, where he and his girlfriend become some of the youngest killer duos. What is this? Children Of The Corn? So anyways, other diary owners die mainly because their die... Aries were destroyed, some died because of die... Arrhea - actually, that guy with the huge eyeball for a head died because he was cut by an axe, and one of them, Minene, did not exactly die and instead turned into a demigod because she hates gods. I don't know Deus' logic but I'm sure as hell felt stupid afterwards.

So in the end, Yuno's secret is revealed, Deus of the second universe finds out and sends Minene to intervene, and I'M NOT GOING TO SPOIL THIS ANYMORE, OKAY? Afterwards Yuki gains the throne and lives alone happily ever after... Well, at least for me it'll be, since anyone who tries to bully me at this point would rather wear 20 diapers simultaneously and dip their heads in a bucket of cold piss as they shit themselves to the point that it grants them the power of flight.

Does the story hold up? Yes. It's unusual for a story to have a first kiss scene happen in the very beginning - hell, Wolfenstein: The New Order's sex scene occurred in an early point in the game instead of, you know, in the end. I'm looking at you, Katawa Shoujo! Anyways, the good thing about this is that there's no such thing as resurrecting some idiot from the dead to let the story continue on FOREVER and instead goes through the Bioshock Infinite way around that. Even though Yuki CAN resurrect his dead parents from their graves, it doesn't grant their souls (or personality, whatever the fuck) back into them and instead turns them into blank, retarded ciphers. This frustrated Yuno when she tried to bring Yuki back to life and it drove her into going to another universe where Yuki's alive just so she could play the game again. Hell, there'd be 711 Mur Murs if Yuno still couldn't convince Deus to create a second seat. In fact, THAT'S WHAT SHE SHOULD'VE DONE BEFORE IN THE FIRST UNIVERSE. Really, if God can break the rules, he should reform it so he'd finally get a girlfriend to fuck with instead of being a father who molds people out of his shit.

Animation's well done since the fight scenes are kind of good. I still hate the fact that there's no 9mm bullet shells on the ground after Yuki shot a bunch of cops that just killed Minene's boyfriend. My main problem would be the censorship part, because considering that anyone in the Mirai Nikki universe has to brutally murder at least 3 victims with a sharpened spoon before eating a sweet bowl of champorado for breakfast, there's no big reason to censor detached limbs. This is their fault - they signed it as Shōnen so they're stuck with an audience composed of children who screams for blood in every Tom and Jerry episode and thus they have to keep this brutality acceptable for the aforesaid audience. So this means that decapitation or amputation has to be censored by adding a piece of rubble or some blurry black dot, saving the animators from adding pieces of flesh flying around the room like in Grand Theft Auto, since decapitation only shrinks the head's size to the most minimum instead of flying in the air and being usable as a sort of melee weapon. If they think they'll get trouble if they don't censor scenes involving amputation, then Naoto Hosoda should go to Tamaulipas in Mexico where the Los Zetas rule the entire fucking state and decapitate heads and placing them in funny spots as a form of greeting to friendly tourists.

Soundtrack's pretty catchy. I would replace all the soundtracks of Nu Pogodi with the soundtracks of this anime and make the entire show 20 times better, and make the wolf and the hare talk in Japanese to make it 20 times more badass. Intro music's good initially and almost turned into shit in later parts, but I caught a glimpse of a watch movement in the beginning and almost jizzed my pants, where I thought "IN THE NAME OF AUDEMARS PIGUET IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS?!" until I realized that all I found is just a gear train and a bunch of pinions and wheels and barely any sign of a mainspring and no oscillator on sight. "I'm disappointed, Mirai Nikki!" I said, "I thought you would be one of the first animes (besides Rozen Maiden: Traumend) to have a certain knowledge about mechanical watchmaking!", "well we're not from Switzerland" says Mirai Nikki, "so we'll just continually be as ignorant as we can until someone laughs". The thing is, I can't laugh at ignorance unless it involves a Swedish cop in the middle of daydreaming and has the ability to catch bullets with his bare hands, mold it into a grenade, use his crotch pistol to kill two ninjas with guns, and proceed to kung fu the guy until he wakes up... Or is at least an anime that knows what it's doing.

So is Mirai Nikki good? Yes. Is it better than the Patek Philippe Ref. 5175? No. It's just that this anime is pretty much like a Hunger Games version of Ed, Edd & Eddy, except with a religious version of The Raid 2: Berandal's plot (with a little touch of James Cameron's Titanic)while adding heavy metal remixes of Saw's themes into it. But it's better than Rozen Maiden only because it ends right where it should, and not desperately try to continue living by making shitty sequels and finding a purpose to do such.

*cough* Assassin's Creed *cough*