My review of Rozen Maiden: Traumend

The Goodwill train that I sent to the land where this anime lives suddenly overloaded with liquid shit and liquid shit maintenance. I would humbly say that the first Rozen Maiden is the best, and it's usually the first ones that are the best, much like the Army Men series. It all began when Jun Sakurada found a note in one of the magical items he bought from the internet, and he chose to wind without understanding what the fuck it meant. That single event changed the course of his life as sex doll model 316 A a bisque doll inside a fancy suitcase (that I would be willing to bring with me to college and plant plastic bombs in the Ministry of Defense) has appeared in his bedroom for some magical reason, much like the same reason why women in doujin hentai survive being fucked in the ass by horses. Key on back, wind up doll, doll starts walking towards Jun, Jun gets slapped on the face, his seaweed sister's probably outside already. And after kissing the doll's ring, she draws his energy, somehow, and uses it to fight that clown with knives. If that was Tricky he would wield a traffic sign and rip Jun's head off, ending the entire series in one fucking episode. One that I would be willing to see in Traumend because its ending is disappointing and confusing as fuck.

The first Rozen Maiden was an average to me - it just has good visuals and a catchy soundtrack that is superior for its time, hell it's 2 years older than Chokotto Sister, and Chokotto sister reached top 2 in my most favorite anime/manga series of all time. What I like in a good anime is a story that is unique and unusual from the rest, not adding expensive rocks and make them bling like a fucking Rolex. Rozen Maiden's story is not the best because Peach-Pit only knows about making something look good and appealing to children and that's it. What Peach-Pit needs is a good story writer, and I can say that they should hire one instead of relying with only their best friend, because that's like saying that you love eating Bicol Express while it's the reason why you got a burning ass and a rectal prolapse. The first Rozen Maiden has good reviews and is said to be the best in the series. Traumend, the second in the series, has a B++ prelim, a pasang awa midterm, and a big red F in finals. The third one, which I will review next time, is made entirely out of shit and is served with anthrax coffee and cyanide candy.

Does it look good? Yes. The animation's very well done for its time and I could say that it's superior to Chokotto Sister's. The characters are very well designed and it's the reason why it compensates for its shitty story. Kanaria's now my most favorite out of all the dolls because 1, she acts like Cirno, and 2, she uses a violin that can crush rocks and send even the entire Matsumoto castle flying in mid air to Geneva, probably crushing Rolex HQ in the process. The fight scenes are still good enough to tolerate and I would question why Jun wouldn't just grab Barasuishou, remove all her limbs, place her in a coffin and request the local morgue for a cremation. What, it's expensive? 5 words - I don't give twenty fucks, which cuts us to the story section of the series.

Whoever was writing the story for Rozen Maiden should use THEIR FUCKING HEADS. If you think that dolls should fight because they believe it's the only way to gain their father's love and become their father's lover, thus giving an Electra complex to the series, I would despair why Jun shouldn't just make his doll win by, I dunno, smashing their enemy's heads against concrete walls. It's because they let their emotions decide what to do, instead of, you know, their heads. This is probably why females tend to make their characters in their story use their personal feelings to decide what to do, which makes it the most frustrating thing in drama. And that's why I hate drama - every fucking protagonist is a stupid feeler that makes their decisions 20 times worse because they never think about the outcomes and what possibilities they might do, because they prefer to sacrifice themselves instead of someone I don't give a shit about. Also, what I noticed from the story is that the dramas seem forced. The story of the anime starts relying on cliches to live and that's why it died in the end, because it drank mercury instead of milk thistle.

Maybe I should review something not related to the rest - okay, then - The music's fucking recycled. I know, it's really good in the first anime, but that doesn't mean we should reuse them, because we expect something new from a sequel, not use the same shit over and over again and expect positive feedback! Actually, that worked for the Dark Souls series, but only because they actually add something new that is good and keep the good stuff with them, and take away things that might hinder its purity. Peach-Pit fails to recognize that and rely on getting the delicious sorbet called Rozen Maiden, take a big shit on it, and push it to our face saying "look, now there's more scoops! Give us cash", which pretty much summarizes what I believe they did.

All I can say is that Rozen Maiden can be compared to handing someone a gold ingot covered in shit and cleaning it with a rag soaked in their saliva. It's good in certain parts and smells like shit in the rest. The sequels that follow make it only worse, and any attempts to revive it from the dead might as well end up with praying to Satan until Peach-Pit dies from insanity, unless they actually use their brains and the power of science to bring this once mighty species back to not being extinct. If they do still rely on spawning Satan to do their bidding, the fourth sequel might end up like Jason X, where Suigintou and Shinku join forces to fight Laplace demon in the ISS after Hades gives Jun a NASA ticket that happens to be in Hell.